I, Badd Badd Leroy Brown, declare my resolutions for the year 2016 as follows:
Eat Healthier. I will continue to be aware of what goes into my mouth, ;down my throat, through my intestines and into my stomach. Inedible objects will not be consumed by me. This includes, but is not limited to, pistachio shells. Even though, technically, pistachio shells are considered to be edible by some. It makes my mom mad so I won’t. Even if someone drops them on the floor.
Improve my concentration and mental skills. I would like to lengthen my short attention span. Perhaps play with a toy longer than 30 seconds. I will NOT give up on my Kibble Nibble ball until every last single piece of kibble is gone. My mind needs to keep working in order for me to flourish. I have a brain and the size of it does not matter, it’s what I do with it that counts.
Become more organized. I won’t scatter my toys all over the house. When I am finished playing with one toy I will return it to the toy box and I will never, ever leave my toys on the stairs again. I never want to hear THOSE bad words come out of mom’s mouth again when she stepped on the FurBallz and took a tumble. I will not place random shoes on the stairs either. I will carry them up ALL the way. I think this has something to do with my short attention span.
Increase my response time. My hearing is impeccable yet sometimes when someone calls my name I ignore them. Like when I’m licking Sherman’s paw and my mom yells “Leroy stop it.” I hear her loud and clear, I just want to get a few more licks in before she throws her slipper at me. Third time I hear my name I have 30 seconds before the slipper hits me. INCREASE RESPONSE TIME to not get hit with slipper OR eat the slipper but then I’ve screwed myself out of resolution #1. Decisions, decisions.
Patience. Everyone says that patience is key so I’m going to try that out this year. Dinner time is at 4:30/5:00 EVERY. SINGLE.DAY. I really don’t need to be all up in someone’s grill at 3:30. We’ve NEVER had a food shortage. I WILL GET FED. We get let outside at 9:30 every evening and then it’s treat time. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. There’s never a potty time shortage or treat shortage. Well once there was but we got Pringles so that’s ok. I don’t HAVE to stalk mom at 8:00, but I like to. I need to work on this. I will work on this. Patience is key.
Say it not spray it. This will be a hard one for me to keep but I will do my best to keep my spit in my mouth when I’m barking. Last week we had a small incident when I sprayed spit in mom’s eyeball while I was telling her it was time to go out. Seriously, my spit went directly in her left eye and she jumped up and yelled “Slobber in the eye! Slobber in the eye! Can’t see!” I think she was being a little bit of a drama queen but to each their own. I just need to use my words more and my slobber less.
Chew it. I open the hatch wide and down it goes. It’s been this way for most of my life but mom says I have teeth for a reason and that I need to CHEW things and not just swallow them because this is how intestinal injuries occur. I need to take the time to enjoy every morsel that enters my mouth. She says I’m missing out on some great tastes. I will also stop acting like an alligator when she gives me rice cakes. There is no need for me to be snappy with these things and I’m tired of hearing my mom say “Damn it Leroy! That was my fuckin finger!” They are just rice cakes but the crunch is so damn good.
Well that’s it for my resolutions for 2016. Looks like I have a lot of work ahead of me but I’m a confident dog. I can do this.
p.s. This is Jen. I’ve been thinking and I’d like to try and teach Leroy how to hold things in his mouth. Ya know, pose for a picture while holding an object in his mouth. I think it would be fun and also teach him patience and manners. If anyone has any tips on how to do this please share because I don’t even know where to begin!